July 21, 2012

The last 10 days have been a rush of emotion, tears, love, and shock.  We miss Grandma Utah so much already and keep hoping to wake up and find that this all hasn't been real.  The outpouring of love we have felt in so many forms has been incredible. 

As we understand it- Grandma had gone to the Cabin in Bear Lake with her sister Wendy on Friday.  Grandma loved the Cabin and she and Wendy had done a sister trip like this many times before.  Wendy heard her moving around in the early morning hours- we now know that she had a horrible headache and was up taking some medicine.  A bit after that she called out to Wendy and told her about her headache and that she was having a hard time seeing.  She suggested that she might need Wendy to drive her to the hospital and Wendy said she was calling 911.  Grandma laid back down and never regained consciousness again.  They took her by ambulance to a hospital in Logan, UT, and then shortly after flew her to the hospital in Ogden, UT.  She passed away at 11:33pm.  The doctors have told us that the initial headache was the aneurysm happening (which later caused a stroke) and even if she had been at a hospital at the very beginning they wouldn't have been able to do anything.  This has no warning signs or symptoms and Colleen had been in good health.  She was always on the go and filling life with the next adventure so this was truly a shock to all.   

On Saturday, July 21 we slept in a bit later than usual.  We were quickly throwing some clothes on the kids in anticipation of going to a Pioneer Day parade when the phone rang.  I could tell by Lance's tone while he was talking to his brother that something had happened.  After he hung up he turned pale and sank down to his knees.  I immediately worked on booking him a flight to SLC while he quickly jumped in the shower and got dressed.  More phone calls took place- to his Dad, his sister.  We explained briefly to the kids that Grandma was very sick and that Daddy was going to fly to Utah.

Within an hour we were in the car, dropping off Lance at the airport, and then the kids and I returned home.  I put Zuri down for a nap, put a kids show on for the kids, and then called my parents for the first time.  I knew that I would lose it when I told them and so I had waited until I knew that Lance was off, we were safely back from the airport, and the kids were out of ear shot.  I talked to my Dad, then later my Mom, then a few more calls with Lance's sister Kirsten who was trying to get on the fastest flight out of Seattle.  I spent the next few hours packing everything up.  I dread trip packing regularly, so this was really a challenge with my brain in so many places.  I got the kids in the car and we were on the road.

Driving to SLC is always long and this was my first time doing it alone with all 3 kids.  I tried to stay focused on the driving and on the kids.  There were lots more phone calls.  I desperately wanted to get to Lance.  Leaving Vegas we saw some dark clouds in the sky, after St. George there were more dark clouds and some rain, then as we drove out of Provo there was a beautiful sunset.  I wondered if the sky was matching Grandma's feelings about it all. 

Just as it was getting really dark we pulled in to Tyler and Kimberley's house.  I quickly got the kids in the house and put them in beds.  Kimberley's sisters were there to watch over them for me which was such a relief.  I kissed them goodbye and headed back to the car and drove on to Ogden.  My own parents helped direct me to to the hospital by phone.  Lance called a few more times and  I told him I was almost there.  And then I was there and I was with all of them- Grandpa, Tyler, Kimberley, Kirsten, Lance, and Wendy.  Others had been there earlier in the day.  There were hugs, and tears, and I got to say my goodbye too.